The bad within us

We caught ourselves.

Again.

Not badly caught. Not like "borrowing a hotel towel" or "accidentally toppling a monarchy." More like the little, everyday things that make you realize: Oh, look. German socialization is apparently more deeply ingrained than we thought.

But we had a theory.

A very good theory, in fact. An elegant theory. A theory that can be used perfectly in conversations with a glass of light red wine in hand and meaningful nods:

"It's the infrastructure, stupid."

If things work better here, it's because of the framework. Because of the good bike paths. Because of the shared spaces. Because of the safe traffic management. Because of the smaller society. Because of the fact that you don't constantly feel like you have to fight against everyone else for the last vestige of dignity in public space.

And yes: That's probably all true.

But unfortunately, there's something else.

Us.

The Return of the Inner German

The other day, we turned right at a red light.

On our bikes.

Nothing dramatic. No child in danger, no grandma knocked off her cargo bike, no international arrest warrant.

But still: unnecessary.

And above all, conspicuous.

Because surprisingly few people do that here. Of course, there are the occasional people who quickly push through. But overall, people wait with surprising patience.

We, on the other hand, were like:

"Oh, come on, there's really no one coming."

Then we walked past a toppled bicycle without picking it up.

Just kept going.

Because we were in a hurry.

And later, when we thought about it, we realized: The worst part wasn't walking past it at all. It was that we had immediately prepared a whole justification speech in our heads.

We were stressed.

Others wouldn't have done that either. Besides, the bicycle had probably already fallen over.

The German justification machine starts up reliably, like an old diesel engine in winter.

The Thing About "Not Being Shortchanged"

Then we read this study- or the conclusion in the Tagesspiegel.

An international study on aggressive-rivalrous narcissism. Germany: Top spot.

Not the glamorous kind of narcissism, by the way. Not that American "I'm great!" attitude.

No.

German narcissism works more like this:

"I'm constantly being disadvantaged, so please make sure I don't get shortchanged."

And suddenly, you recognize yourself in this description more often than you'd like.

In the supermarket, for example.

That slight inner unease when someone takes too long to find their change at the checkout.

Or that reproachful glance at the dawdling Mette or Ole ahead of you on his Dutch bike.

That look that says:

“Other people—that is, us—want to get ahead here too.”

A sentence that is surprisingly often uttered in Germany, even though everyone involved is stuck in traffic at exactly the same speed.

Humans are Copycats

The interesting thing is: Here, a lot of this actually disappears a little.

Not immediately. Not completely. But noticeably.

If no one is pushing, you push less yourself. If no one immediately comments on a mistake with an annoyed look, you comment less yourself.

When people interact in a relaxed manner, you automatically become more relaxed. People copy each other. Constantly.

A society is essentially one giant social group project with slightly different clothing.

And that's why you notice here every day how much behavior depends on behavior.

Unfortunately, we also copy back.

The problem is:

We carry our old patterns with us.

Like an emotional carry-on suitcase full of little reflexes.

For example, that nervous fidgeting in queues.

Or that inner urge to quickly pop over somewhere.

Or that tiny bit of indignation that someone else isn't functioning at their best.

We catch ourselves doing it all the time.

And then we get annoyed with ourselves.

Not dramatically. More in a slightly embarrassing way.

Like when you accidentally write "Best regards" at the end of a messenger message again.

Infrastructure Is Not Enough

And perhaps that's precisely the real insight.

Yes, infrastructure makes an incredible difference.

Wide bike paths ensure that people cycle more relaxed. Good public spaces ensure that people encounter each other more often. Less stress generates less aggression.

But society itself also plays a role.

The way people interact with each other.

How they react to mistakes.

How much mistrust or generosity is present in everyday life.

All of this shapes behavior at least as much.

And we're realizing: You can get used to it. You can learn it.

But apparently, you can't completely reprogram yourself in three months.

Half-Time

Because it's half-time now.

Half of our time here is over.

And we're seriously wondering:

Will we become more relaxed people in the remaining three months?

Or will we end up back in Germany, standing in line at some supermarket checkout, passive-aggressively exhaling because someone in front of us is looking for their loyalty card?

We'll keep you posted.

Probably a little annoyed. Please bear with us.